Fat!!!!!

People call being "fat" a condition. You know, like it's genetic, which it is or at least it can be. The fat gene is passed down from a parent to you and BOOM, blubber! And right as swimming season is starting up. What makes being fat a unique condition is that it is socially acceptable while at the same time being visually grotesque. Depending on the heaviness of the individual, it can be downright fucking nasty. Other conditions are not socially acceptable. Things like CP or Down Syndrome. We treat people with these conditions like they are the actual conditions themselves. You don't do that to fat people. You'd be considered and ass it every time you saw a fatty you handed them a sugar cube. Sure they want the sugar cube, but they're insulted that you assumed they wanted it.

It is also called an addiction, like people who are hooked on cigarettes or black tar heroine. Being fat also has it's advantages here. When somebody is hooked on crack, people who aren't hooked look down on them and give disgusted looks to their face. A fat person gets looks of sadness or sympathy at the very, very most. If you're super skinny and malnourished from all the drugs you been snorting then people do look at your physical appearance in a different way, but if you're fat then most people don't notice you or don't care to notice you.

I know all of this because...I'm fat. I know, I know, my story is truly inspiring. It has all the makings of an Oprah special. However, I'm not here to toot my own horn (What a strange expression, why the hell would you ever toot somebody else's horn? You dont know where that horn has been!) I'm here to tell you what I plan on doing about it. I'm going to get fit! That's right, in six months expect to see a new me. When I'm fit, you know what I'm going to do? Treat fat people the way we should all be treated, telling them how sick they make me! That's right, I'll admit it. Every time I see a fat guy shove another slice of stuffed crust in that big maw of his, I want to say, "Really? Six slices? Are you having an eating contest with yourself?" I never get to this point though, I always turn away from the mirror before I can say anything.

So next time you see a fatty, remind them that they're fat. It will serve as motivation to get fit. Or they'll kill themselves....not the ideal situation but hey, less fat people! Follow me, I know best. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get a slice of cheescake....want some?