My movie pitch of the week!

Tag Bigbeef in: The Curse of Blood Mountain!

Tagline: The Danger might be big, but Tag is Bigbeef!

Plot: Tag Bigbeef is just your every day scientist. He does very sciencey things, like go to lavish parties, sleep with beautiful Russian spies, and develop lazer guns that only blast people worth shooting at. You know, every day science guy stuff. Until one day his old Army Commander, Ryan Von Prickster, calls for Bigbeef's services to help him locate a missing jem long thought lost in the jungles near Blood Mountain.

At first, Bigbeef denies the request of Von Prickster, "Sorry Commander, but I'm retriered." "Not anymore you're not!" Von Prickster replys. So Bigbeef is forced to do the one thing he swore to never do again, explore exotic locals in the hopes of finding lost treasure. Along the way he meets Eloies Ferma Sandera Vasquez (the lovely but icey cold weapons specialist), Trent (Combat Vet), Dr. Ellis (A scientist who is a little socially removed) and Devon (Another scientist like Tag, only he has something to prove!).

They travel through the jungels and do battle with the lost Wombatti tribe and twenty foot tall mutant tigers! Finally they reach Blood Mountain, only to discover that Von Prickster is there waiting for them. "Why did you send us here when you could get here yourself?"asks Tag. "It was the perfect plan, I have you lead me to Blood Mountain and take the jem for myself! Ha Ha Ha!"....After a moment, Tag asks, "Okay...still, why didn't you just come here and take it yourself?" This question takes Von Prickster offguard, "Well...I...look the point is, I have my jem and now you will all die!" The group then battels for their lives against Von Prickster's troops of Robot Alagators, then Tag...then...look I'll be honest, I haven't really thought this part of the story out yet.

Tag somehow saves the day. How? I don't know. He uses his cool science biceps in some way. Well, that's my pitch. No matter how it turns out, it will be a 1000 times more entertaining then any of thoes stupid National Treasure movies. (I went into the first one thinking it was National Lampoon's "Treasure". Imagine my dissapointment.)

P.S. Also, I forgot, Tag has a bionic leg! That's important latter on in the movie.